Giddy

I feel compelled to throw on a flouncy skirt and dance around my apartment with the music turned up, for I have just discovered Owl City is starting off his world tour in Nashville this summer! I still have no job and no money and thus no way (yet) to actually get to the concert, but the fact that the possibility exists makes me feel like a kid on Christmas eve. I'll be 26 years old by summer, but the child in me will never die.

Blue

My newest adventure is completely within myself. I’m confronted with a new set of problems. Not that any of these problems are new, mind you, but they have never grouped themselves together in quite this fashion before. And with them all coming together to form a great big unhappy family in my brain, I’m left feeling a bit depressed. Very blue. Colors are trying to change; grays a bit grayer, shadows a bit darker. Out of the shadows come whispers of insecurities, of inadequacies, comparisons, confusion. I feel caught up in it, trapped and alone, like a “poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.” Broken, but never put together in the first place.

No matter the storm there are rays of hope, something or another to remind one of the reality of this great life.

Yesterday’s rays came from an Owl City song; The Technicolor Phase, which (to me anyway) is about the fact that God created everything, including the colors that are everywhere, and that no matter where you go He will be with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b7mT8ihGfQ

This morning the reminder came through Deuteronomy, chapters 4 and 8: “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live” (Deut. 4:8a); and the beginning of chapter 8, particularly this verse: “Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you”(Deut. 8:5; but read the first 4 verses with it). I suppose I’m a lot like the Israelites; quick to forget unless reminded to remember.

One day it’ll all make sense.

Notes

I just want to post some notes I jotted down from last week's sermon because it was a really good lesson. I find that if I write things down, I have a harder time forgetting. So for the sake of remembering, and just incase you'll get something out if it too, here are some notes.

-There is no wound that God can't heal

-This year's theme: "Learning to Trust God"

-4 myths about trusting God:

1) If you can't see God working, you better make your own plan.

2) God helps those who help themselves.

3) Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

4) If you want something done right, do it yourself.

-->These are myths because God is worthy of our trust

-God is worthy of our trust because:

>He understands us

>He loves us

>He always has our best interest in mind

>He will heal us

-2 Chron. 20:5-12

1) Remember God's Power (v. 5-7)

-dwell on His faithfulness and power

-recall His work in our lives

-what has He done for us? (write down everything God has done for you in your life)

2) Remember God's Promises

-trust in His compassion

-find peace in His word

-what does God promise us? (write down all God's promises you can find in the Bible)

-Questions to reflect on:

1. What areas of my life need healing today?

2. Am I allowing God in, or keeping Him at arm's length?

3. What keeps me from trusting God?

---Satan loves to make us focus on our hurts to keep us from trusting God.

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Too often as of late I find myself listening to lies-knowing they are lies-and wanting to believe them over the truth. When I hear whispers of "you don't matter, what you do doesn't matter, you are worthless, everything would be better off if you'd find yourself a cave in the middle of nowhere and never leave it," I want to believeit; oh I want to believe it. I want to believe it because I don't feel good, and I haven't in a while. I want to believe it because it's easy-being nothing, doing nothing, melting into the decay of the world...easy. Much easier to do, and to believe. But because of Love, while I am nothing, I am at the same time-and more-priceless. Because of Love I have been taken from rags to riches, a beggar made a spotless bride of Christ. So it doesn't matter that I feel worthless; the reality is Love.

More stuff

Just a few more things I’m selling on ebay as seller kuri-kuri21:

1. Red jacket; 3 button front, shiny

2. Orange sweater; warm, 2 side pockets, double zip

3. Dark jean jacket; fitted, lightly distressed and faded style

4. Snap front shirt; lightweight, shiny

5. Dark green bathrobe; long, hooded, zipper, two pockets with two dogs, one says good morning and the other says good night

Everything is in really good condition, and all bidding starts at USD 0.99.

I'm not turning this into some sort of advertising blog, just so you know. I just have no money at all and I'm trying to make some...until then, I don't have time to write a good post.

Selling stuff

I still have no job, but hopefully something will happen soon. In the meantime, I'm also selling stuff on ebay. I'm seller kuri-kuri21. Here are a few things I'm selling right now:

1) A summer dress/swimsuit cover up; bidding starts at USD 0.99. The auction ends on January 18 around 11pm.

2) A purse that I re-vamped with ribbon and hand-sewn button; pretty cute I think. Bidding starts at USD 0.99, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

3) A vintage Lisa Frank lunchbox; bidding starts at USD 0.50, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

4) Texas Instruments TI-30XA calculator; bidding starts at USD 0.50, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

5), 6), and 7) Japanese cellphone straps; bidding starts at USD 0.99, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

I have a few other things listed as well, and I'm adding things every day so if you're interested, you should check it often.

It's New Year's Eve

How can it be the last day of 2010 already? This year has been the most unpredictable year yet. I didn't think I'd still be in this place, and I don't understand. But I do trust, and good things are out there somewhere. Anyway, I heard this song and I wanted to share it with those of you who have stumbled onto my page. It spoke to me and I think it'll be one of my theme songs for 2011.

Owl City- This is the Future

Wake up on your own

And look around you cuz you're not alone

Release your high hopes and they'll survive

Cuz this is the future and you are alive

Dive in and swim away

From your loneliness and miserable days

And when you wake up on your own

Look around you cuz you're not alone

Let your hopes go and they'll survive

Cuz this is the future and you are alive

You're headed home

Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a2UgAZcXdA

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Ever felt exhausted, out of place, mostly useless, nearly hopeless, a bit used, a lot disappointed, drained, stress-sick, jaded, burnt out, angry, and cold? That's me right now.

"But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)