aaand more of the good

Sorry, it's been about a month since I've posted! I really do mean to post at least a couple times a month, but things get busy. I think it's time for a few more random things about Japan:

-There are no paper towels in the bathrooms. If you want dry hands you have to carry your own personal hand towel.

-It's perfectly acceptable to bike to work wearing your suit. It's also perfectly acceptable to bowl wearing your suit. In fact, I'm quite sure it's perfectly acceptable to do anything in a suit here.

-The police always drive around with their lights flashing. When they want to pull someone over, they talk to them over the loudspeaker.

-They don't use the AC/heater at school. Well they do, but only after the official day they are allowed to, no matter how hot or cold it gets before the official day comes. And even then they use it sparingly. My toes have gone numb from the cold only about 5 times so far though.

-People in my city aren't used to seeing foreigners too often. I'm used to being stared at, so that was nothing new coming here; the older people though can be quite funny. My favorite reaction so far was at a public bathroom. There was a line, and I was coming out of the bathroom stall to wash my hands. The next person in line was an old lady; she hurried to the stall when she saw the door opening but as soon as she saw me she stopped in her tracks and just stared. It was like she wasn't sure what to do; apparently she didn't have to go too bad because she stared until I finished washing my hands.

I've noticed that my trend as of late is to write only about the more negative aspects about my life here. I think it's time to write again on a few more reasons why I like it here.

-I love my apartment. It's small but just perfect for one person, and I'm in love with my bathtub.

-People think I'm weird, but I really love walking. On Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I walk half an hour one-way to work, and on Wednesdays I walk 45 minutes one-way to work. I love having to rely on my own power to get me where I need to go, and I love that I'm forced to excersize every day. I love having that time between waking up and actually getting to work; it's a good time to re-focus on what's important and soak up Japan. If I drove there's no way I would know that most of the fish in the streams like to swim against the current or have time to appreciate the architecture of the different buildings.

-I love how easy it is to pay my bills--I just bring them to the closest convinience store and pay there.

-I love the kids. There are some really annoying ones but they're all a lot of fun, and even on the crappiest day they make me smile. Pictures!! Are you ready? They're so cute!

i did it

Well, I've done it. I signed the paperwork last week and I'm staying for another year. And every day since that fateful day has made me wish I hadn't. Not that I really have any other options anyway, but still it would make me feel better to know that I could just tell Japan I'm sick of it and leave. It's really not that bad, and I know it'll be at least a little better in a few months when I finally get a car. But a lot of things are getting to me. I'm quite adaptable, but I have to be careful of what I allow myself to adapt to. I refuse to adapt to the way I'm treated here; I will not succumb to "slave-girl syndrome." But being treated like you're lowly, invisible, and not worth as much as everyone else can get you to act that way though. There are some things I just love about Japan and life here, but right now I'm in "get me out of here" mode; which is normal at this stage of the moving process, in my experience anyway. Christmas can't some soon enough-36 days...

I wrote this one day when my class didn't show up...

I love flags. They evoke deep emotions, stir up memories of things sometimes long forgotten, and serve as a comforting reminder of where I’ve been while whispering grand stories about where I still may go. In my English room here in Japan there are flags draped from the ceiling across two walls; I find it very welcoming to be greeted by them every morning. They can be especially consoling when things aren’t going so well—when the homeroom teacher brings the students to class 20 minutes late and has no plan; when my classes are cancelled and nobody tells me; when the homeroom teacher sends her students to my class but doesn’t come herself until 15 minutes after class should have started, even though she knows it’s illegal for me to have class without a Japanese teacher there. In such times I can find solace by merely looking to my left where the Turkish flag hangs, remembering other times when I had no idea what was going on, recalling colorful memories of scarves and markets and music and lamb and exploring ancient ruins. Then I see the Swiss flag, representing a land like a fairytale with wonderful chocolate and cheese and fat cows with golden bells; and the US, with my family and Halloween and thanksgiving and peanut butter and diversity; Germany with bread and gorgeous mountains and Christmas like nowhere else in the world; Greece with ancient beauty and mystery and incredible food; the UK with rugged beauty and some of the dearest people in the world; and finally, directly in front of me as I stand in the middle of the room, are my two most newly discovered countries—Malaysia and Singapore. I can’t help but smile when I look up during class and see those two hanging there almost smiling back at me, bringing memories of wonderful food, great people, and good times:

Unfortunately all my countries aren't represented in the English room; but there are also many flags representing countries I haven't yet discovered, like Thailand, Cambodia, India, and Korea, which seem like silent cheerleaders telling me to do my best and remember that with the next paycheck I'll be one step closer to another new adventure (and one step closer to getting rid of good ole' Sallie Mae).

An update

Life is interesting, isn't it? You just never know what will happen next, where God will take you. I can't believe I'm here--and that's a phrase I've uttered my entire life. It's been 6 months now- what a relief! But next month I'll have to make the big decision. Do I renew my contract for another year-to March 2010-or end it after 1 year and leave March 2009? Huge decision. I'm a little torn. What in the world would I do if I left? Go back to the states and try to get a job even though everyone's downsizing? I just don't see myself in the states so soon. I'm rather in love with the thought of Asia...but, stay in Japan? And how would I go about getting a job in another Asian country? I could live with the Sherpas in Nepal for a few months or a year teaching English in the villages; I could pretty much teach English anywhere, but I'd probably have to go back to school and I just don't want to do that. Part of me would love to leave, and part of me is embarrassed at myself for such a thought. The part of me that seriously ponders it can't seriously imagine packing up right in front of God and saying "okay that's enough, I'm outta here." God is working; I see it, I feel it. And when God works it's never comfortable. I'm here away from pretty much everything and everyone I love. As always, I don't fit in with the other Americans and I stick out like a sore thumb. I pretty much never know what's going on (not exaggerating). It's quite difficult trying to figure things out, especially when something as simple as handing someone a piece of paper can offend. I can no longer do anything simply or familiarly or straightforward. And in a sense, it's great. God is using it all. How better to learn patience than to be thrown into a country where you can't communicate much with words? How better to learn to trust in God than to be in a place where you have no idea what's going on and no person to run to? How better to learn to understand the love of God more and in turn to love God more than to be alone in a world that treats one like a strange step-child? And it's not like everything is difficult. A lot of it is just me--a young halfrican Christian TCK "gypsy" trying to figure things out. I love my kids (most of the time) and the job benefits and the paycheck (much better than what I can get in the states). I love the excitement of being here. I don't have to go very far to discover something new. So while it's frustrating and stressful, it's also exciting and rewarding with a scattering of really peaceful moments. I think I'll probably stay but I'm still praying about it. Who knows what God has planned next.

my little angels

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."" Luke 10:38-42

After I said goodbye to my little 4 and 5 year olds last week, I grabbed a broom and began sweeping out the classrooms like I always do. There are normally a handful of kids who stay a few hours longer waiting for a parent to get off work, and they normally play in the gym. Well, on this particular day two little girls decided they were going to play in whatever classroom I happened to be trying to clean. They came in giggling, eyes shining, long hair streaming behind them as they ran across the floor and slid right in front of me, scattering my nice little piles of dirt back across the room. They didn't look where they slid, they just looked at me and each other and giggled like it was the best thing ever. I haven't seen them act that way with any of the other teachers. Maybe it's because I'm a foreigner. Or maybe it's because they can see right through me with their pure child-hearts; perhaps they could see that I'm not so different from them, that I still love playing dress-up just like they do, that I sleep with a teddy bear close by and eat dessert before dinner. It was then that I gained a bit more insight into the Martha and Mary story, which I think is full of different lessons. I was Martha that day, busily trying to do what I was "supposed" to be doing, not looking up or around to see or enjoy that which God had put around me. The two little girls were Mary, unconcerned with where they "should" be or what they "should" be doing. They were just enjoying the moment God gave them, and what God made them--girls, feminine, pure-hearted. They haven't yet been corrupted by the world into thinking that to be feminine is to be "too much," "not enough," and hardened, that beauty comes from what you wear and a coating of makeup. They still know God's truths, that to be feminine is good, that they deserve to be delighted in, that beauty shines from the inside out. They soon had me transformed into a Mary as well, pushing them across the room on my broom and giggling along with them. Little girls are good for that.

i've gone mad

Just so yous know, it's official: I've gone mad. Let me explain.

On Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat, and as the day progressed it turned into a huge headache. So most of the day I wasn't able to think straight at all. I left work at my official time (4:55) and walked to a place where I meet a lady from church because she drives me to Japanese class on Tuesdays. I waited for her for a half an hour but she didn't show up, so I just figured something came up and I walked home with my pounding head. Upon arriving in my apartment I glance at my rice cooker. The time on it said 5:00. What?? So I look at my alarm clock. It too said 5:00. At this point I'm so confused and I have no idea what's going on...I just know my head hurts. The only thing that could have happended is that I left work an entire hour early. But it was completely not on purpose--I definitely thought the clock said 4:55, I can still see it in my head. And as I was leaving everyone said goodbye just like they always do; I even walked right past my principal and he said bye like he does every other day. Yesterday I was at my other school and today I have to go back to my main school...I really hope they don't say anthing because all I can tell them is the truth, which sounds like a lie. Sigh. I really have gone mad.

Stay…or go to who knows where

I came knowing I would stay here for two years, and I haven’t questioned that even once until today. Now I’m not so sure.

I’ve been trying for a couple weeks now to “be allowed” to buy my plane ticket for Christmas to visit my family. I have my eye on two different tickets, and I noticed this morning that one of them went up by about $200. Now before I continue, I must explain the way things work:

Status is extremely important in Japan. At school, I’m the absolute bottom of the rung. I can’t just go to my principal or vice principal to ask something; I have to go first through the head English teacher who will go through somebody else who will finally go to the principle or vice principle.

So I’ve been telling my head English teacher the dates I’d like be gone for Christmas these past few weeks, but she hasn’t passed anything along. Long story somewhat shorted: I keep asking today without getting answers, so finally right before I leave school I tell my English teacher I’m going to buy my ticket. She says I should wait for the vice principal to come back from a meeting he was at, which would mean I’d have to wait at work for half an hour after I should be gone. So I wait because I didn’t want my ticket to go up by like $500 before I’m finally “allowed” to buy it. So I wait and wait for an hour, he finally comes back, and he tells me to wait until Thursday. It took everything in me not to do something emotional—throw the nearest object out the window, run out screaming, start sobbing. But I couldn’t do anything at all but walk home in the dark, missing my Japanese class yet again because I had to wait so long.

I have never been more frustrated in my life. The reason I have to wait two more days is because I’d be missing 2 ½ days of “teaching” class over my Christmas break and he wanted to talk that over with the principal, who won’t be back until Thursday. It makes me so angry that everything is a double-standard when it comes to me. They have a lot of rules: “leave a room better than it was when you came” unless that room is the English room, then you can hold meetings in there without letting Kristin know, you can leave whatever you want in there, and don’t worry about putting things back where you found them. “When you go on vacation, bring back present for all the other teachers” except for Kristin, let’s leave nice wrapped presents on everybody’s desk except hers so that when she’s sad coming back from her fabulous trip to Malaysia and is really missing her friends she’ll know how much she’s valued here. And my favorite double-standard of all: cancelling class. All my classes so far this week have been cancelled. But did anybody bother telling me that? No, not until after the fact. They did that to me all the time last semester too. And yet they don’t want me to miss 2 ½ days for Christmas break? Last semester they cancelled classes the entire last half of the semester so the kids could go swimming! And you’re seriously thinking about not letting me go for 2 ½ days??

Maybe I’m being too dramatic about this. It's difficult being “the new girl” again. I was spoiled in Oklahoma. I was able to stay there for 4 ½ years, which for me is nearly forever, and I was actually able to make real friends. And oh do I miss them all.

I hope this isn’t too depressing; I may come back through later and delete it, but for now I just want all of you who actually read this to know how I’m really doing and to pray for me for guidance.

Trust

Thus far, my faithful readers, I have really only relayed to you "the good" concerning my time here. In this entry I'd like to go a bit deeper and show you "the bad and the ugly" which, you will see, is mainly caused by myself.

First, though, another observation. It's been my experience that when a person is acting overly cheerful, that person is covering up for something (depression, eating disorder, some kind of addiction). Japan is the same way. On the outside it's bright pink, laughing, even pooping out smiley faces, but in reality it's terribly sad. It has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Tragic.

If there's one thing God is trying to teach me here it's trust. I wake up every morning wondering why I'm here, stepping into yet another day where 90% of the time I won't know what's going on. God just says "Trust Me." All I can say is "OK."

It's been 5 months now, and I'm finding it hard to attach myself fully. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm sure language and the lack of diversity have something to do with it. By this point I should be able to read Hiragana and Katakana like nothing, but I'm not. I feel really out of place with the international group at church because everyone is North American. I can't fully explain it but I always feel out of place in groups of North Americans unless they're also TCKs. Simple solution--learn Japanese! Okay, give me 6 years...

It's a little rough having so little independence and being treated like I'm some strange mix of celebrity and second-class citizen. It's strange to have your eyes brim with tears when you look in your mailbox and find a letter not only in English but written by someone who cares and not Sallie Mae.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I'm here and I am having fun. I just want to also share that life isn't a picnic and that I'm not one of those people hiding behind a colorful and happy façade.

Clearly you've never been to Singapore

As most of you who read this probably know, I just got back from a 2 week vacation in Malaysia and Singapore. It was so great! I'm not going to give you a day-by-day recollection of my trip because that would be boring and take far too much time. Instead I'll give you a quick overview, and if you want more details just ask me. My time in Malaysia was spent in Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. Since I came to hang out with this guy,I didn't really do anything touristy, which was great--my experience was far richer that way and that's exactly what I wanted. I got to know a lot of different people which was quite nice. According to Mark, the Malaysian motto is "Live to eat, not eat to live" and I believe it. The food is so cheap and so good! The markets and real street food and music from the mosques were all beautiful reminders of pieces of my childhood that I haven't been able to re-visit. I'm far more interested in people than things, so for me, being non-touristy with Mark, his family, and friends was the perfect vacation. In Singapore, the gold called to me...

...and fortunately for me I ran into no other pirates. Since we were only there for 3 days, we didn't even scratch the surface of what Singapore's really all about--I'd like to find out one day.

You can see more pics here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2027487&l=a25ad&id=168302105

a bit of this and a bit of that

Japan is extremely random, to me. I've got a few more random things to add to the list from my last post:

• Every school has its own chickens. And by chickens I also mean one rooster. It's always funny hearing the rooster crow and the chickens cluck as I walk into school each morning.
• There's a big mirror randomly in the middle of a wall near the entry to the school. I asked about it and they told me basically that it's specifically for checking yourself out.
• I mentioned in my last post that Japan is really cute and everything is happy; well at school during lunch they even play J-Pop--just incase you aren't feeling genki enough.

And now for other thoughts: I have no idea why God put me here instead of Northern Ireland, why that whole thing didn't work out. It's my first time not being there this time of the year and I didn't realize it would suck so badly. I miss everyone and I wish I was there. I was reading a bit about TCKs on the internet the other day (because, let's face it, us Third Culture Kids are pretty fascinating) and I came across this:

"On the surface, most adult TCKs conform to what is going on around them in such a way that attention is not drawn to them. As they meet new people and situations, they are slow to commit themselves until they have observed what is expected behavior. If what is expected is unacceptable or incomprehensible, they will quietly withdraw rather than make fools of themselves or hurt the feelings of others. They are extremely complex people who are weaving together their memories in a rapidly changing present for an uncertain future."

Veeery interesting indeed. I definitely can't do this AET thing forever (but then I doubt I can do any one job forever). It's not that I don't like it...I love working with the kids, and the adults aren't bad either but they sure make it stressful (cancelling class without telling me, uncancelling class without telling me, throwing stuff at me last minute--and then of course there's the culture stress that must be dealt with everyday). They're all really nice though. I'm thinking of looking into travel journalism, or just photography, or maybe writing books on travel with my own pictures included. All I know is I must travel and I can't have a desk job or I'll die. But the whole AET thing has such good benefits, like 20 paid days of vacation a year plus 5 extra for summer (not including weekends or national holidays), a big chunk of my housing paid by the government, and a far higher salary than I could get at this age in the states. So, just pray for me. Thanks! ~me

observations

Rejoice with me, everyone, for I have my own internet connection. It brings me great joy to be able to communicate with the outside world whenever I want to. Wonderful. Anyway this entry is about random observations (from a western viewpoint) from my 10 weeks in Japan so far. As with any country, there are some very interesting people here. I would like to start with the business man.

Business Man

The business man is up all hours of the day and night. He always wears a black suit and tie and walks extremely fast at all times. You will see him hurrying down the sidewalk, briefcase in hand, everywhere and all the time-whether it's 1pm or 2am.

The Grass and Dirt Sweepers

There I was, the first day at my second kindergarten before the kids came. I was outside; I was handed a broom and told to sweep. Naturally I went to the walkway and began sweeping dutifully but was soon informed that I was doing it wrong. My principal took my broom and demonstrated the right way to sweep--in the grass and dirt. Apparently they don't sweep the walkways, just the grass and dirt. This broom, mind you, is made of a bamboo stick and twigs which break off into the grass and dirt-so not only am I just making lines in the dirt, I'm leaving twigs all over the place. And it's not just at my kindergarten; you'll see grass and dirt sweepers all over the place here.

The maskers

They are everywhere-the maskers, or "day-time ninjas" as some call them. They wear a white mask which covers their mouth and nose, a bit like a surgeon's mask. I have yet to see a martial arts fight break out, so I doubt they're ninjas--perhaps instead they are prophets of doom, protecting themselves from the insuing plague. Really though people just wear the masks when they are sick or afraid of getting sick, and it's perfectly normal-people even teach with their masks on.

The Loud Gang

No really, there are little "loud gangs" whose only purpose is to drive around on their motorcycles and scooters as loudly as possible. I guess you've got to stand out and rebel somehow...

The Man-Woman and the Woman-Man

I must start this section by saying that Japan is full of very good looking people. That being said, it also has more than its share of women who look like men and men who look like women. Never before in any other country have I mistaken so many for the wrong sex. There's a teacher at my school that I was sure was a man only later to find out he's actually a woman. The gender line seems quite a bit more blurred here than in the western world. (The picture...is a guy).

CUTE

Everything in Japan is cute. There are cute cartoon characters everywhere. Really happy music plays at the train station. The kids are adorable and I'm pretty sure they train them to be as cute as possible. Some teens and young adults dress like they're baby dolls. They've even made the poop cute: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kitty80/2443421974 and potty training: http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=QFVoLz88hiUI .

That's all for now. Later! ~kris

Sorry everyone; I fully intended to keep this blog up to date. Little did I know I would be over a month into Japan and still no internet connection of my own…things happen slowly here. Very, very slowly. Thankfully though I’ve discovered flash drives, so now I can write updates on my computer and then post them through someone else’s computer with internet.

The tragedy now is, of course, that I could not possibly update you properly on a full month of goings-on without thoroughly exhausting your eyes or draining your mind’s ability to focus. So with that in mind, I bring you a short(-ish) introductory entry. Welcome to my house:

1) This is the view outside out side my front door. 2) This is a view of my kitchen from my living room—notice the sliding glass door on the right, which separates my kitchen from my living room, and the door on the left is my toilet; I have a tub and shower room too but you can’t see it in this pic. 3) More of my kitchen—my washer, refrigerator, etc…and my “bathroom mirror”—there’s no sink in my toilet room, so all getting ready in the mornings is done in the kitchen. I also have a living room/bedroom. I love it; it’s the perfect size for one person I think. I’m sure yous have questions for me, so here are a few things I thought you might want to know—

How’s school: it’s good. I have 2; Tokiwa Elementary and Kindergarten, and Midorioka Kindergarten. I’m at Tokiwa 4 days of the week and Midorioka 1 day of the week. I walk to both, and for some reason my other teachers seem to think it’s weird or some great physical feat. I’ll probably start riding my bike soon (that is if I finally get over being afraid of it). More details about school to come in another post.

How’s church: it’s good too. For some reason, when people preach in two languages it kind of feels like “home,” whatever that means. I’ve been going to the church where the majority of the other AETs go, which I was wary of at first because I didn’t want to be stereotyped as “one of those Americans” if you know what I mean, and I don’t want to be one of those people who rely too heavily on English and things familiar…but now I don’t think I really have to worry about either one. More on church to come.

How’s the food: mostly good. There’s lots of healthy food, which is a great thing. I have school lunch everyday, which is usually good and sometimes…interesting. The strangest thing I’ve eaten so far was this weird little sea creature, which I ate whole at my first enkai (teacher party); I have no idea what it was.

Biggest victory so far: this past Sunday I was actually able to sing a couple of the songs in church!

Biggest defeat so far: communication in general .

I’ll end with a story: My first week at school we had what seemed like 10,000 ceremonies, but I’ll just briefly tell you about one of them now. So I get to work that morning and waiting for me on my desk is a long note, translated into English through free software from the internet. I have a collection of such notes now. Here’s a selection from that morning’s note:

“….The eyes participate in a PTA general meeting at four time. Both a child and the teacher participate together and listen to the song of the mother chorus and sing a school song with all the members. Thereafter, there is an introduction of the staff. You should bow at the time if called because the principal introduces it…”

I didn’t have much time to decipher the page-long note that morning, not that it would have really helped much. As I was preparing for class, I was whisked off to the gym suddenly and told on my way there that I would be expected to stand in front of the crowd (which consisted of all the parents and PTA members, along with the staff) with the other new teachers and introduce myself in Japanese. No time to prepare! By the grace of God I was able to both recall and say “Watashi no namae wa Kristin Creekmore desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu” without any mistakes. That seemed to be enough to please the crowd any way. After that I was lead over to a table full of PTA members where I was supposed to sit and pleasantly converse with them…but of course, I don’t speak hardly any Japanese and they didn’t speak English; so it was a little awkward after we said our hellos and konnichiwas. We sat around awkwardly for a little while, with them quietly speaking Japanese to each other and smiling at me. Then they decided that instead of speaking, giving me more food than I could possibly eat would be the best move. It was good food but I had just eaten lunch, so I was already full. But I ate what they gave me and even drank plain coffee (I’m not a big fan of coffee, but everyone here seems to think all Americans adore it). I’ve found that never knowing what is going on, not being able to speak or read, and confusion in general are all a part of my every day life in Japan. And I’ve found that smiles and broken Japanese go a long way.

okay...

So, I still have no internet...sorry guys. I don`t have time to update at school either (which is what I`m doing now) so it may be a little while longer until I can do a real post. Just wanted you to know I`m still alive.

hello, goodbye

Well here I am again moving across the world, but this time it's my own choice. Friday afternoon I'll be at my new "home" in Japan! How insane. It's so strange though to leave OC, to leave OKC...it's the longest time I've ever spent in one spot in my life. But it's with such a full heart that I leave; I've gotten to know and become good friends with some of the most incredible people on the entire planet. I know it's not really goodbye; the friends I've made here will truly be my great friends for life. Anyway this is just an introductory entry to make sure I know how to do this thing...get ready for the life and times of Kristin in Japan.