An update

Life is interesting, isn't it? You just never know what will happen next, where God will take you. I can't believe I'm here--and that's a phrase I've uttered my entire life. It's been 6 months now- what a relief! But next month I'll have to make the big decision. Do I renew my contract for another year-to March 2010-or end it after 1 year and leave March 2009? Huge decision. I'm a little torn. What in the world would I do if I left? Go back to the states and try to get a job even though everyone's downsizing? I just don't see myself in the states so soon. I'm rather in love with the thought of Asia...but, stay in Japan? And how would I go about getting a job in another Asian country? I could live with the Sherpas in Nepal for a few months or a year teaching English in the villages; I could pretty much teach English anywhere, but I'd probably have to go back to school and I just don't want to do that. Part of me would love to leave, and part of me is embarrassed at myself for such a thought. The part of me that seriously ponders it can't seriously imagine packing up right in front of God and saying "okay that's enough, I'm outta here." God is working; I see it, I feel it. And when God works it's never comfortable. I'm here away from pretty much everything and everyone I love. As always, I don't fit in with the other Americans and I stick out like a sore thumb. I pretty much never know what's going on (not exaggerating). It's quite difficult trying to figure things out, especially when something as simple as handing someone a piece of paper can offend. I can no longer do anything simply or familiarly or straightforward. And in a sense, it's great. God is using it all. How better to learn patience than to be thrown into a country where you can't communicate much with words? How better to learn to trust in God than to be in a place where you have no idea what's going on and no person to run to? How better to learn to understand the love of God more and in turn to love God more than to be alone in a world that treats one like a strange step-child? And it's not like everything is difficult. A lot of it is just me--a young halfrican Christian TCK "gypsy" trying to figure things out. I love my kids (most of the time) and the job benefits and the paycheck (much better than what I can get in the states). I love the excitement of being here. I don't have to go very far to discover something new. So while it's frustrating and stressful, it's also exciting and rewarding with a scattering of really peaceful moments. I think I'll probably stay but I'm still praying about it. Who knows what God has planned next.