chameleon

Sometimes just being alive is difficult. When every sight, smell, sound, and taste drowns you in memories of all the yesterdays, all the other worlds, it can be almost impossible to keep your head above water. As a TCK, I think of myself as a chameleon of sorts...a broken chameleon. An un-broken chameleon sits on a green leaf and turns green. But I sit on a green leaf and turn just green enough to semi-blend but unmistakably stand out. Here I am again in the states, as out of place as ever. Cultural adjustment is extra interesting this time. I'm overwhelmed by all the English everywhere. Suddenly I'm expected to actually talk, so I'm tripping over my tongue half the time. I'm self-conscious when eating in public because table manners are quite different. I have to really concentrate when driving so that I stay on the American side of the road; I didn't drive much in the states and I got my first car in Japan, so Japanese-style driving is the default mode in my head. I miss my kids. A lot. I'm exhausted at the end of every day just from the effort of adjusting. I wish that somewhere outside myself my worlds would collide.