Blue

My newest adventure is completely within myself. I’m confronted with a new set of problems. Not that any of these problems are new, mind you, but they have never grouped themselves together in quite this fashion before. And with them all coming together to form a great big unhappy family in my brain, I’m left feeling a bit depressed. Very blue. Colors are trying to change; grays a bit grayer, shadows a bit darker. Out of the shadows come whispers of insecurities, of inadequacies, comparisons, confusion. I feel caught up in it, trapped and alone, like a “poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.” Broken, but never put together in the first place.

No matter the storm there are rays of hope, something or another to remind one of the reality of this great life.

Yesterday’s rays came from an Owl City song; The Technicolor Phase, which (to me anyway) is about the fact that God created everything, including the colors that are everywhere, and that no matter where you go He will be with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b7mT8ihGfQ

This morning the reminder came through Deuteronomy, chapters 4 and 8: “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live” (Deut. 4:8a); and the beginning of chapter 8, particularly this verse: “Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you”(Deut. 8:5; but read the first 4 verses with it). I suppose I’m a lot like the Israelites; quick to forget unless reminded to remember.

One day it’ll all make sense.

Notes

I just want to post some notes I jotted down from last week's sermon because it was a really good lesson. I find that if I write things down, I have a harder time forgetting. So for the sake of remembering, and just incase you'll get something out if it too, here are some notes.

-There is no wound that God can't heal

-This year's theme: "Learning to Trust God"

-4 myths about trusting God:

1) If you can't see God working, you better make your own plan.

2) God helps those who help themselves.

3) Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

4) If you want something done right, do it yourself.

-->These are myths because God is worthy of our trust

-God is worthy of our trust because:

>He understands us

>He loves us

>He always has our best interest in mind

>He will heal us

-2 Chron. 20:5-12

1) Remember God's Power (v. 5-7)

-dwell on His faithfulness and power

-recall His work in our lives

-what has He done for us? (write down everything God has done for you in your life)

2) Remember God's Promises

-trust in His compassion

-find peace in His word

-what does God promise us? (write down all God's promises you can find in the Bible)

-Questions to reflect on:

1. What areas of my life need healing today?

2. Am I allowing God in, or keeping Him at arm's length?

3. What keeps me from trusting God?

---Satan loves to make us focus on our hurts to keep us from trusting God.

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Too often as of late I find myself listening to lies-knowing they are lies-and wanting to believe them over the truth. When I hear whispers of "you don't matter, what you do doesn't matter, you are worthless, everything would be better off if you'd find yourself a cave in the middle of nowhere and never leave it," I want to believeit; oh I want to believe it. I want to believe it because I don't feel good, and I haven't in a while. I want to believe it because it's easy-being nothing, doing nothing, melting into the decay of the world...easy. Much easier to do, and to believe. But because of Love, while I am nothing, I am at the same time-and more-priceless. Because of Love I have been taken from rags to riches, a beggar made a spotless bride of Christ. So it doesn't matter that I feel worthless; the reality is Love.

More stuff

Just a few more things I’m selling on ebay as seller kuri-kuri21:

1. Red jacket; 3 button front, shiny

2. Orange sweater; warm, 2 side pockets, double zip

3. Dark jean jacket; fitted, lightly distressed and faded style

4. Snap front shirt; lightweight, shiny

5. Dark green bathrobe; long, hooded, zipper, two pockets with two dogs, one says good morning and the other says good night

Everything is in really good condition, and all bidding starts at USD 0.99.

I'm not turning this into some sort of advertising blog, just so you know. I just have no money at all and I'm trying to make some...until then, I don't have time to write a good post.

Selling stuff

I still have no job, but hopefully something will happen soon. In the meantime, I'm also selling stuff on ebay. I'm seller kuri-kuri21. Here are a few things I'm selling right now:

1) A summer dress/swimsuit cover up; bidding starts at USD 0.99. The auction ends on January 18 around 11pm.

2) A purse that I re-vamped with ribbon and hand-sewn button; pretty cute I think. Bidding starts at USD 0.99, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

3) A vintage Lisa Frank lunchbox; bidding starts at USD 0.50, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

4) Texas Instruments TI-30XA calculator; bidding starts at USD 0.50, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

5), 6), and 7) Japanese cellphone straps; bidding starts at USD 0.99, and it ends Jan. 18 in the evening.

I have a few other things listed as well, and I'm adding things every day so if you're interested, you should check it often.

It's New Year's Eve

How can it be the last day of 2010 already? This year has been the most unpredictable year yet. I didn't think I'd still be in this place, and I don't understand. But I do trust, and good things are out there somewhere. Anyway, I heard this song and I wanted to share it with those of you who have stumbled onto my page. It spoke to me and I think it'll be one of my theme songs for 2011.

Owl City- This is the Future

Wake up on your own

And look around you cuz you're not alone

Release your high hopes and they'll survive

Cuz this is the future and you are alive

Dive in and swim away

From your loneliness and miserable days

And when you wake up on your own

Look around you cuz you're not alone

Let your hopes go and they'll survive

Cuz this is the future and you are alive

You're headed home

Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a2UgAZcXdA

untitled

Ever felt exhausted, out of place, mostly useless, nearly hopeless, a bit used, a lot disappointed, drained, stress-sick, jaded, burnt out, angry, and cold? That's me right now.

"But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Working in Vain by Jim McGuiggan

It's been a rough year, I've been feeling like a lot of things have been in vain. I recently came across this article by an author that I really respect, Jim McGuiggan (from his website www.jimmcguiggan.com) and it's just what I needed to hear. Maybe you need to hear it too.

Working in Vain

In 1 Corinthians 15:58 Paul said, “Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”

Assuming you are in the Lord Jesus and you live to further his purpose your efforts are never in vain, he said.

Oh! Really? Can that be true? Did Paul not get carried away with the grandeur of the thought of the future triumph over death and the grave and say more than he really believed?

Your efforts are never in vain? Even when you tried to win your parents for the Lord Jesus and they died far from him? Even when we’ve prayed and worked to bring our children into a saving and transforming relation with God and they spurned it and spiraled down to permanent loss? Even when we worked for years to build a little business of truth and honesty and fairness only to see it collapse in an economic downturn that resulted in our losing our homes and living in a hostel. How can these and many other instances not be labor in vain?

Well, we’re not to be silly; we’re not to pretend we got what we aimed for when we manifestly did not! Even Paul said he was afraid he might have labored in vain with the Galatians [4.11 and see 2:2] and God admitted that even his loving chastisement of the nation failed to bring the response he was looking for [Jeremiah 2:30]—I chastised you in vain, he said.

So Paul’s word to the Corinthians means nothing? Hardly! What we do for the Lord’s sake is never wasted. What we do to honor him and further his loving purpose is never in vain even if it doesn’t bring the “success” we hoped for, even if it ends in “failure”. What is done out of love is always the right thing to do and a record is kept of it. A cup of cold water in Jesus’ name is never forgotten and it shapes the world even now and prophesies of a world of the future.

A mother running back into a burning building to save her child may lose her life along with the child but her loving act isn’t wasted. She doesn’t achieve what she wanted but what she has done changes the world. It inspires, reveals, strengthens, kills cynicism, and having heard of what she has done we secretly [or openly] wish we were more like her.

What great men or women do for us is this, said Wordsworth, they do something that we haven’t seen before and having done it we are no longer content with less than that.

Broken-hearted parents, distraught children, devoted friends, preachers working for years with tiny out-of-the-way congregations—anyone, everyone, who has done something for the Lord Jesus though they didn’t gain what they were longing for have not labored in vain. All that is shaped by and done for the Lord Jesus is observed, remembered and has its reward in the Lord.