Im stuck in Bangkok for the moment, but there are worse fates.

:)

from the past

July 22, 2007

"...we went through the hermitage and stopped so Jennie could tell the story of Nanny Grey for those who hadn't heard it before. And there, in the forest, the stories are real. There, with the trees singing their quiet songs and the sunlight fighting with the shadow, the legends have life and breath and the footsteps of the wood cutter, the blue lady, and Nanny Grey can be heard faintly, if you only listen..."

I miss it so much. 

anybody hiring?

I tried to post about my bday a few weeks ago but I can't figure out how to put pictures up properly on here with my new computer. I'll have to do a picture post later. Summary: Tokyo Disneyland is wonderful; I love it; it was a great day. Captain Jack Sparrow came to me, I didn't have to go to him; best bday ever. 

If only every day could be like a day at Disney. But alas, here I am stuck in the reality of being an AET in Mito. The only thing that keeps me going at the moment is knowing that in just over a month I'll get to take my vacation and go to Malaysia again, Thailand, and Cambodia. Far more laid-back cultures than here. Which I need rather desperately. I'm through with all the disrespect and ridiculousness. To pass the foreigner's driving test to get a Japanese license, there are 19 steps you must do in exactly the right order before you even start the car. I've got until November to figure out what to do next. On one hand, it seems stupid for one to leave an easy job that pays really well; on the other, it seems stupid to keep a job that drives one insane. On my budget, it pays well enough for me to take two long trips a year and to pay off a sizeable chunk of my student loans; if I were to stay here 2 more years I'd have my student loans completely paid off. But I think 4 years total in my current situation might not be worth it. So, pray for me please. I don't want to make a decision without knowing if it's what God wants me to do; and as that's a bit difficult to discern, please pray. I appreciate it. 

oh 23..

I can't believe it's almost my birthday again! Has it really been a year? Has it only been a year? 23 has been the most difficult year of my life thus far. And it's not because of Japan; it's me. Japan is just a key player in the story, a setting that has allowed things to happen. I was drawn to this country, away from everyone and everything I know, not fully comprehending the draw but knowing I should follow it. Here in this environment certain things have become glaringly obvious and all the issues from my globally nomadic lifestyle have caught up to me and punched me in the face. One day I'll write a book. Now, though, I feel like I'm on the very edge of something; something good, and real, and much needed. So I'm interested to see where the 24th year will take me. I've never made a big deal over my birthday before although part of me has always wanted to. I've never done anything more special than going to a movie; never had a party or anything like that. I want to celebrate what God has done these 23 years and cheer to the next, because God is good and I think it's a good thing to celebrate ones existence as well. So this year, I'm doing something--I'm going to Tokyo Disneyland; and I'm so so excited. I'll never really grow up.

still alive

Yeah...sorry. It's been awhile. My old OC dell pretty much died, but now I've got a new Macbook in English, but with a Japanese keyboard. Easy enough to get used to. I also now have a car; a tiny kei-car, my first car ever:

It's been about 13 months now I think, officially longer than at least 1 other place I've lived. I still don't know what to do next...but, no worries. It's Golden Week now which means I don't have to go back to work for another 5 days!! I plan on using the time to stay as far away from stress and responsibilities as possible. I'll write a better post next time.

wait out the rain

I’m actually not sure why I’m posting this one. It’s really more just my own thoughts, the musings of a TCK, than anything blogworthy. But for some reason I feel like I ought to, so here you are ladies and gentlemen: welcome to my musings.

What have I done this past year? What of meaning? I can’t think of much. I’ve made a few people happy here and there but that’s about it. Through my own stupidity I still can hardly communicate. Through my own ignorance I still don’t know what’s going on half the time. And through my own –I don’t even know what to call it—I continuously accept and reject life here without ever fully embracing it. I’ve had some extraordinarily good times here. But have all those times simply been pleasurable, and not productive? What will last from any of it? I’m about 90% eternal optimist and 10% extreme pessimist; I think growing up a military TCK has made me that way. (TCK = Third Culture Kid; go here if you don’t know what that is http://stevewebel.com/2008/what-is-a-tck/). I know you have to make the most of every situation. I know that if you want to have a full heart you always have to be open to getting it broken. I know that friendship is the most valuable thing in the world. But the pessimistic part of me wants nothing more than to find an empty cave high up in the mountains, far away from the rest of the world, far away from any peoples or countries that I would love and eventually have to leave. I know, with each final hug, the chances of paths crossing again are rather slim. And since I can’t seem to stay in one place for longer than 4 ½ years, I know that each person I become friends with will eventually break my heart, and I theirs, when one or the other of us moves. Even though part of my heart is always broken, even though I’m always missing someone and somewhere, my heart is full. Broken and full to overflowing. I suppose only another military TCK can understand that. So here I am again in a place where people are constantly coming and going. I stand now staring the end of the semester in the face, looking back with a critical eye, looking forward at another year and yet another sad goodbye to one close to me. Sometimes things seem so confusing, so unfair. But I only see part of the picture now. From my classroom I can see a mountain range in the distance except on the most overcast of days. One glorious sunny clear day a few weeks ago, I looked out the window and I could see new mountains I had never seen before; huge and snow-capped. They were there all along; I just hadn’t been able to see them. Then a few weeks later it was rainy and I couldn’t see any mountains at all. By then, though, I already knew the secret of the mountains, that they hid themselves there in the distance but were there whether I could see them or not. All I had to do was wait out the rain.

Classic TCK song that’s been a part of me since the 2nd time I lived in Germany: http://www.imeem.com/hatchie/music/CTTBI3vm/goo-goo-dolls-iris/

life is not a box of chocolates

Sorry for slacking on the posting again...

I want to write something eloquent, something to make you feel what I feel at the moment. But the words aren't coming, and besides, I don't actually want to make you feel exactly as I do. My stress level is currently far too high and I wouldn't want my writing to cause anyone to have elevated blood pressure or a heart attack. So I will be short and blunt: things suck. Really, really suck. And yet every day God gives me something beautiful--a hug, a book, a bar of lavender soap, chocolate, a genuinely happy smile, and an encouraging word, to name a few. God uses us to help each other, and it's wonderful when we actually realize it. Last week I was actually able to get a day off to climb a mountain with 3 friends. It was one of the best days ever; I've kept some of the peace from that day with me and it's helped to keep me sane. Here are some pics. I went with

Miranda:

Derrick:

and Kyle:

The weather couldn't have been any more perfect; we could even see Mt. Fuji in the morning. I've got more pics on facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2032363&l=bff39&id=168302105. There are pics from sumou and other stuff in Tokyo in that album as well. Okay well that's all for today folks. It's time for me to try and de-stress with some tea.