Stay…or go to who knows where

I came knowing I would stay here for two years, and I haven’t questioned that even once until today. Now I’m not so sure.

I’ve been trying for a couple weeks now to “be allowed” to buy my plane ticket for Christmas to visit my family. I have my eye on two different tickets, and I noticed this morning that one of them went up by about $200. Now before I continue, I must explain the way things work:

Status is extremely important in Japan. At school, I’m the absolute bottom of the rung. I can’t just go to my principal or vice principal to ask something; I have to go first through the head English teacher who will go through somebody else who will finally go to the principle or vice principle.

So I’ve been telling my head English teacher the dates I’d like be gone for Christmas these past few weeks, but she hasn’t passed anything along. Long story somewhat shorted: I keep asking today without getting answers, so finally right before I leave school I tell my English teacher I’m going to buy my ticket. She says I should wait for the vice principal to come back from a meeting he was at, which would mean I’d have to wait at work for half an hour after I should be gone. So I wait because I didn’t want my ticket to go up by like $500 before I’m finally “allowed” to buy it. So I wait and wait for an hour, he finally comes back, and he tells me to wait until Thursday. It took everything in me not to do something emotional—throw the nearest object out the window, run out screaming, start sobbing. But I couldn’t do anything at all but walk home in the dark, missing my Japanese class yet again because I had to wait so long.

I have never been more frustrated in my life. The reason I have to wait two more days is because I’d be missing 2 ½ days of “teaching” class over my Christmas break and he wanted to talk that over with the principal, who won’t be back until Thursday. It makes me so angry that everything is a double-standard when it comes to me. They have a lot of rules: “leave a room better than it was when you came” unless that room is the English room, then you can hold meetings in there without letting Kristin know, you can leave whatever you want in there, and don’t worry about putting things back where you found them. “When you go on vacation, bring back present for all the other teachers” except for Kristin, let’s leave nice wrapped presents on everybody’s desk except hers so that when she’s sad coming back from her fabulous trip to Malaysia and is really missing her friends she’ll know how much she’s valued here. And my favorite double-standard of all: cancelling class. All my classes so far this week have been cancelled. But did anybody bother telling me that? No, not until after the fact. They did that to me all the time last semester too. And yet they don’t want me to miss 2 ½ days for Christmas break? Last semester they cancelled classes the entire last half of the semester so the kids could go swimming! And you’re seriously thinking about not letting me go for 2 ½ days??

Maybe I’m being too dramatic about this. It's difficult being “the new girl” again. I was spoiled in Oklahoma. I was able to stay there for 4 ½ years, which for me is nearly forever, and I was actually able to make real friends. And oh do I miss them all.

I hope this isn’t too depressing; I may come back through later and delete it, but for now I just want all of you who actually read this to know how I’m really doing and to pray for me for guidance.

Trust

Thus far, my faithful readers, I have really only relayed to you "the good" concerning my time here. In this entry I'd like to go a bit deeper and show you "the bad and the ugly" which, you will see, is mainly caused by myself.

First, though, another observation. It's been my experience that when a person is acting overly cheerful, that person is covering up for something (depression, eating disorder, some kind of addiction). Japan is the same way. On the outside it's bright pink, laughing, even pooping out smiley faces, but in reality it's terribly sad. It has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Tragic.

If there's one thing God is trying to teach me here it's trust. I wake up every morning wondering why I'm here, stepping into yet another day where 90% of the time I won't know what's going on. God just says "Trust Me." All I can say is "OK."

It's been 5 months now, and I'm finding it hard to attach myself fully. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm sure language and the lack of diversity have something to do with it. By this point I should be able to read Hiragana and Katakana like nothing, but I'm not. I feel really out of place with the international group at church because everyone is North American. I can't fully explain it but I always feel out of place in groups of North Americans unless they're also TCKs. Simple solution--learn Japanese! Okay, give me 6 years...

It's a little rough having so little independence and being treated like I'm some strange mix of celebrity and second-class citizen. It's strange to have your eyes brim with tears when you look in your mailbox and find a letter not only in English but written by someone who cares and not Sallie Mae.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I'm here and I am having fun. I just want to also share that life isn't a picnic and that I'm not one of those people hiding behind a colorful and happy façade.

Clearly you've never been to Singapore

As most of you who read this probably know, I just got back from a 2 week vacation in Malaysia and Singapore. It was so great! I'm not going to give you a day-by-day recollection of my trip because that would be boring and take far too much time. Instead I'll give you a quick overview, and if you want more details just ask me. My time in Malaysia was spent in Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. Since I came to hang out with this guy,I didn't really do anything touristy, which was great--my experience was far richer that way and that's exactly what I wanted. I got to know a lot of different people which was quite nice. According to Mark, the Malaysian motto is "Live to eat, not eat to live" and I believe it. The food is so cheap and so good! The markets and real street food and music from the mosques were all beautiful reminders of pieces of my childhood that I haven't been able to re-visit. I'm far more interested in people than things, so for me, being non-touristy with Mark, his family, and friends was the perfect vacation. In Singapore, the gold called to me...

...and fortunately for me I ran into no other pirates. Since we were only there for 3 days, we didn't even scratch the surface of what Singapore's really all about--I'd like to find out one day.

You can see more pics here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2027487&l=a25ad&id=168302105

a bit of this and a bit of that

Japan is extremely random, to me. I've got a few more random things to add to the list from my last post:

• Every school has its own chickens. And by chickens I also mean one rooster. It's always funny hearing the rooster crow and the chickens cluck as I walk into school each morning.
• There's a big mirror randomly in the middle of a wall near the entry to the school. I asked about it and they told me basically that it's specifically for checking yourself out.
• I mentioned in my last post that Japan is really cute and everything is happy; well at school during lunch they even play J-Pop--just incase you aren't feeling genki enough.

And now for other thoughts: I have no idea why God put me here instead of Northern Ireland, why that whole thing didn't work out. It's my first time not being there this time of the year and I didn't realize it would suck so badly. I miss everyone and I wish I was there. I was reading a bit about TCKs on the internet the other day (because, let's face it, us Third Culture Kids are pretty fascinating) and I came across this:

"On the surface, most adult TCKs conform to what is going on around them in such a way that attention is not drawn to them. As they meet new people and situations, they are slow to commit themselves until they have observed what is expected behavior. If what is expected is unacceptable or incomprehensible, they will quietly withdraw rather than make fools of themselves or hurt the feelings of others. They are extremely complex people who are weaving together their memories in a rapidly changing present for an uncertain future."

Veeery interesting indeed. I definitely can't do this AET thing forever (but then I doubt I can do any one job forever). It's not that I don't like it...I love working with the kids, and the adults aren't bad either but they sure make it stressful (cancelling class without telling me, uncancelling class without telling me, throwing stuff at me last minute--and then of course there's the culture stress that must be dealt with everyday). They're all really nice though. I'm thinking of looking into travel journalism, or just photography, or maybe writing books on travel with my own pictures included. All I know is I must travel and I can't have a desk job or I'll die. But the whole AET thing has such good benefits, like 20 paid days of vacation a year plus 5 extra for summer (not including weekends or national holidays), a big chunk of my housing paid by the government, and a far higher salary than I could get at this age in the states. So, just pray for me. Thanks! ~me

observations

Rejoice with me, everyone, for I have my own internet connection. It brings me great joy to be able to communicate with the outside world whenever I want to. Wonderful. Anyway this entry is about random observations (from a western viewpoint) from my 10 weeks in Japan so far. As with any country, there are some very interesting people here. I would like to start with the business man.

Business Man

The business man is up all hours of the day and night. He always wears a black suit and tie and walks extremely fast at all times. You will see him hurrying down the sidewalk, briefcase in hand, everywhere and all the time-whether it's 1pm or 2am.

The Grass and Dirt Sweepers

There I was, the first day at my second kindergarten before the kids came. I was outside; I was handed a broom and told to sweep. Naturally I went to the walkway and began sweeping dutifully but was soon informed that I was doing it wrong. My principal took my broom and demonstrated the right way to sweep--in the grass and dirt. Apparently they don't sweep the walkways, just the grass and dirt. This broom, mind you, is made of a bamboo stick and twigs which break off into the grass and dirt-so not only am I just making lines in the dirt, I'm leaving twigs all over the place. And it's not just at my kindergarten; you'll see grass and dirt sweepers all over the place here.

The maskers

They are everywhere-the maskers, or "day-time ninjas" as some call them. They wear a white mask which covers their mouth and nose, a bit like a surgeon's mask. I have yet to see a martial arts fight break out, so I doubt they're ninjas--perhaps instead they are prophets of doom, protecting themselves from the insuing plague. Really though people just wear the masks when they are sick or afraid of getting sick, and it's perfectly normal-people even teach with their masks on.

The Loud Gang

No really, there are little "loud gangs" whose only purpose is to drive around on their motorcycles and scooters as loudly as possible. I guess you've got to stand out and rebel somehow...

The Man-Woman and the Woman-Man

I must start this section by saying that Japan is full of very good looking people. That being said, it also has more than its share of women who look like men and men who look like women. Never before in any other country have I mistaken so many for the wrong sex. There's a teacher at my school that I was sure was a man only later to find out he's actually a woman. The gender line seems quite a bit more blurred here than in the western world. (The picture...is a guy).

CUTE

Everything in Japan is cute. There are cute cartoon characters everywhere. Really happy music plays at the train station. The kids are adorable and I'm pretty sure they train them to be as cute as possible. Some teens and young adults dress like they're baby dolls. They've even made the poop cute: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kitty80/2443421974 and potty training: http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=QFVoLz88hiUI .

That's all for now. Later! ~kris

Sorry everyone; I fully intended to keep this blog up to date. Little did I know I would be over a month into Japan and still no internet connection of my own…things happen slowly here. Very, very slowly. Thankfully though I’ve discovered flash drives, so now I can write updates on my computer and then post them through someone else’s computer with internet.

The tragedy now is, of course, that I could not possibly update you properly on a full month of goings-on without thoroughly exhausting your eyes or draining your mind’s ability to focus. So with that in mind, I bring you a short(-ish) introductory entry. Welcome to my house:

1) This is the view outside out side my front door. 2) This is a view of my kitchen from my living room—notice the sliding glass door on the right, which separates my kitchen from my living room, and the door on the left is my toilet; I have a tub and shower room too but you can’t see it in this pic. 3) More of my kitchen—my washer, refrigerator, etc…and my “bathroom mirror”—there’s no sink in my toilet room, so all getting ready in the mornings is done in the kitchen. I also have a living room/bedroom. I love it; it’s the perfect size for one person I think. I’m sure yous have questions for me, so here are a few things I thought you might want to know—

How’s school: it’s good. I have 2; Tokiwa Elementary and Kindergarten, and Midorioka Kindergarten. I’m at Tokiwa 4 days of the week and Midorioka 1 day of the week. I walk to both, and for some reason my other teachers seem to think it’s weird or some great physical feat. I’ll probably start riding my bike soon (that is if I finally get over being afraid of it). More details about school to come in another post.

How’s church: it’s good too. For some reason, when people preach in two languages it kind of feels like “home,” whatever that means. I’ve been going to the church where the majority of the other AETs go, which I was wary of at first because I didn’t want to be stereotyped as “one of those Americans” if you know what I mean, and I don’t want to be one of those people who rely too heavily on English and things familiar…but now I don’t think I really have to worry about either one. More on church to come.

How’s the food: mostly good. There’s lots of healthy food, which is a great thing. I have school lunch everyday, which is usually good and sometimes…interesting. The strangest thing I’ve eaten so far was this weird little sea creature, which I ate whole at my first enkai (teacher party); I have no idea what it was.

Biggest victory so far: this past Sunday I was actually able to sing a couple of the songs in church!

Biggest defeat so far: communication in general .

I’ll end with a story: My first week at school we had what seemed like 10,000 ceremonies, but I’ll just briefly tell you about one of them now. So I get to work that morning and waiting for me on my desk is a long note, translated into English through free software from the internet. I have a collection of such notes now. Here’s a selection from that morning’s note:

“….The eyes participate in a PTA general meeting at four time. Both a child and the teacher participate together and listen to the song of the mother chorus and sing a school song with all the members. Thereafter, there is an introduction of the staff. You should bow at the time if called because the principal introduces it…”

I didn’t have much time to decipher the page-long note that morning, not that it would have really helped much. As I was preparing for class, I was whisked off to the gym suddenly and told on my way there that I would be expected to stand in front of the crowd (which consisted of all the parents and PTA members, along with the staff) with the other new teachers and introduce myself in Japanese. No time to prepare! By the grace of God I was able to both recall and say “Watashi no namae wa Kristin Creekmore desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu” without any mistakes. That seemed to be enough to please the crowd any way. After that I was lead over to a table full of PTA members where I was supposed to sit and pleasantly converse with them…but of course, I don’t speak hardly any Japanese and they didn’t speak English; so it was a little awkward after we said our hellos and konnichiwas. We sat around awkwardly for a little while, with them quietly speaking Japanese to each other and smiling at me. Then they decided that instead of speaking, giving me more food than I could possibly eat would be the best move. It was good food but I had just eaten lunch, so I was already full. But I ate what they gave me and even drank plain coffee (I’m not a big fan of coffee, but everyone here seems to think all Americans adore it). I’ve found that never knowing what is going on, not being able to speak or read, and confusion in general are all a part of my every day life in Japan. And I’ve found that smiles and broken Japanese go a long way.

okay...

So, I still have no internet...sorry guys. I don`t have time to update at school either (which is what I`m doing now) so it may be a little while longer until I can do a real post. Just wanted you to know I`m still alive.